Archive for the ‘Bant Bites’ Category

Got game?

Posted: December 8, 2010 in Bant Bites
Tags: ,

For those of you out there looking for a challenge, i’ve got one. But one that comes with a warning. Make sure your computer is well secured to your desk, there’s a chance you may want to throw it through the nearest window. And if you suffer from alopecia, just stop reading now, or your kids will be calling you cueball sooner than you think .

QWOP….. Four simple letters that have taken over my life for the past couple of days. And if i don’t spread it to the rest of you, it will haunt me in my sleep. This thing is harder to finish than a hot meal is to the Olsen twins, and twice as sickening.

All you have to do is get what seems to be a little Puerto Rican man in a Baywatch one-piece as far down a running track as possible. Simple you say? Bollox. You’d get Mary Byrne into a tumble dryer easier! How and ever, I can’t say it’s not seriously addictive and slightly amusing.

So give it a go, and if you beat 8 meters, then you’ve probably just lost a week of your life.

Wanna know what you’re getting yourself into…. press play.


Nothing screams a bleeding liver like waking up on your bathroom floor in a cold sweat covered in a half eaten tray of curry chips. Not to mention the 3 tonne receipt from your local back alley casino peeping out of your back pocket. And while you attempt to piece together your night trying to convince yourself that someone spiked your pint with fifteen shots of sambuca, you know that you’ve noone to blame but yourself.

But fear not, while it’s surprisingly difficult to raise a glass of water to your mouth at this stage because you’re shaking harder than Michael J Fox and the furniture is doing backflips around you, it will all end sooner than you think.

And just because we care, here’s some internet gold to help wash down the chicken fillet roll.

And to those of you who have found your own cures, don’t be shy! Add to the list and help you’re fallen comrades! Happy hanging people.

Mistaken Identitys

Posted: December 1, 2010 in Bant Bites

You’re just about to pay for your chicken fillet roll and four packets of Rancheros on a Saturday morning when all of a sudden the cashier lets you know that you’re looking a bit more French than Saunders. Now, whilst revealing the infamous “CFJ” stamp, thats by now tattooed onto your wrist will let them know that you haven’t actually had a stroke, you at least know yourself that it’s nothing a day spent curled in a ball watching re-runs of Father Ted can’t cure.

But Radar asks… What if you were stuck like that on a permanent basis? What if the person you saw in the mirror first thing every morning was, God forbid…Gillian McKeith!? Well thats a problem Rizzo from the muppets has to deal with daily! So the next time your not feeling top of your game, take a look at these unfortunate souls and get your strut back!

One routes through human shit, the other is a lovable children's character

I'm in a cave mutha-fucka, don't you ever forget!

A real never ending story!

One has the craic with a hook, the other's hooked on crack

Some would say Joga Bonito is Brazilian for Jar Jar Binks

Sorry Cynthia when we said doll face, we meant it!

Tea Bag Toss

Posted: December 1, 2010 in Bant Bites

Looking for a good way to beat the winter blues and pass the time while your waiting for that kettle to boil? You want a hot cuppa but you don’t want to have to be the one to make it. Tea Bag Toss is for you. Position three mugs in a straight line on your kitchen counter and stand approx. 12-15 feet from your intended target. Each player has a tea bag (pyramid teabags are essential) that they must throw in turn, one shot each per round, with the objective to score as many points as possible in order to escape tea making duties.

The player with the least amount of points must make the tea…….but that’s not always the case. There is a “get out of jail free” card. Once the kettle has boiled and come to a stop, one of the mugs must be filled with hot water for the DEATH SHOT! The players must continue to throw for the one remaining mug. It’s sudden death until one of them lands the death shot. Whoever lands the killer blow gains immunity from making the tea regardless of how many points they scored in normal time.

The only exception to this rule is in a Head-2-Head encounter. If one participant holds a lead of 3 or more points at the end of normal time then the Death Shot is rendered inconsequential, but should still be contested for the bant!

With a bit of practice you may never have to make the tea again…………

Movember 2010

Posted: November 25, 2010 in Bant Bites

Just a huge thank you to everyone who has supported us so far during Movember 2010, the 10k run in the phoenix park was a success. It raised thousands of euro for the Irish Cancer Society. And there is still the guts of a week left to donate. It is a truly worthy cause. Prostate cancer will directly effect 1 in every 9 of us men. Those odds are as pleasing to the ear as Natalie Cassidy telling you that the baby is yours! So get the plastic out boys and girls, and give anything you can, you will be making a difference no matter what amount you give! Thanks again for all your generosity.


Here’s a look at the action from the phoenix park….

“I went to Zimbabwe…I know how white people feel in America now… relaxed! Cause when I heard the police car I knew they weren’t coming after me!”

“I believe in the institution of marriage, and I intend to keep trying till I get it right.”

“Marriage is really tough because you have to deal with feelings… and lawyers.”

“It’s so much easier for me to talk about my life in front of two thousand people than it is one-to-one. I’m a real defensive person, because if you were sensitive in my neighborhood you were something to eat.”

The mafia people appeal to your intellect – “You’re an intelligent person aren’t you ? So you realize it’s very difficult to walk without knees.”

“If you ever have to go to the hospital carry your own piss with you… Coz, that’s what they want, soon as you get to hospital… they want some blood and some piss. You always have the blood but you never have the piss.”

“I worked in a gym as a sparing partner, I always had to fight the guys who looked like they just killed their parents.”

Craggy Island Craic

Posted: November 17, 2010 in Bant Bites

Dougal: I know! We’ll lure them into a giant bingo game!
Ted: And how are we going to do that?
Dougal: We’ll print up some bingo cards on our printing press and… oh.
Ted: Yes, it’s the lack of a printing press that lets us down there. Or bingo balls. Or a PA system. Or in fact, any bingo paraphernalia at all.
Dougal: Damn. So near, yet so far.

From the episode “Night of the nearly dead”